I get lost during my days of caring for you. Focused so completely in nurturing and loving and feeding and entertaining… yet somehow I feel like I’m in a competition. Sometimes motherhood makes me feel like I have to do all the things 110% or else you won’t grow big enough or develop fast enough or sleep the right way or eat the correct amount or move this way or be able to do that thing…
Before social media, were our mothers comparing as much as we do now?
In pregnancy I found solace in following other women expecting around the same time I was. I’d watch our bellies grow together and find camaraderie through sharing similar pains or worries or milestones. But for some reason, now that I have my baby actually in my arms, and I see them with their babies through a screen, I only compare and look for where I’m falling short… whether it’s with Ellis or myself.
“Ellis isn’t sitting up on his own, yet, and he’s two weeks older!”
“Ellis still wakes up 3 times at night to eat. How has that baby been sleeping through the night since 2 months old?!”
“My body definitely doesn’t look like that. How in the world does she have the time to workout??”
“A two hour nap?! How do you get them to do that?!!”
I know we’re all struggling and anxious and sleep deprived. I know not one of our babies is perfectly perfect 100% of the time. But I also know it’s not fun to share those moments. They aren’t pretty or easy to capture or fun to talk about. It’s so much less stressful to just post the cute smiling picture that everyone dotes over. What everyone doesn’t see is your greasy hair in a bun, balding hairline, pjs on 24/7, teeth not brushed, and spit up down your sleeve. They don’t know about the worries or mourning or guilt or isolation you’re feeling.
I know I don’t talk about it because it so easily comes across as complaining; and that’s not what I want people to think I’m doing after wanting this for so long. And I definitely don’t want the pity, because I know this is normal and any other mom can relate to everything I’m experiencing. But why are we still so slow to post the hard parts of this?
I guess the only time we’re thinking to grab our phones and snap a picture is when things are calm and blissful. So the next time you see a photo or post about someone else’s child (or life, for that matter!) that looks perfectly styled, or happy and laughing, or boasting on a newly achieved milestone… know that they’re all struggling with something else they aren’t posting. We hear it all the time – but I’m going to say it one more time: stop comparing your worst to someone else’s best. The Instagram highlight reel is not anyone’s true reality.
